Life, the Universe, and Everything

Life is interesting, complex, fun, and beautiful.

It can also be sad, frustrating, ugly, and very very hard.

Looking back, there are things I have loved doing, and friends I am very glad I met. There have been good choices, and bad ones, and ones I would have made quite differently if I knew what I know now. Time is full of choices, and events, and different paths. The possibilities of life are fascinating. The paths I've been on were not ones I expected for the most part, and not necessarily what I would have liked, but I have learned lessons about life I probably would not have learned otherwise.

There are also many aspects of life outside of our control, and considering we have billions of other people sharing the planet with us, it could hardly be otherwise. I see problems that other people deal with, and I wonder which of mine I would consider greater, or be willing to trade for theirs. I've learned that kindness is the best gift I can give to the myriad of people I meet, and the pleasures of doing little things for others to lubricate their day a little bit makes a pleasant distraction from being ground down by my own difficulties. My biggest frustrations with other people are those in charge of things who let greed run amok and rip society apart. Life is hard enough without people deliberately ignoring the effects on others of what they do when they should know better.

Today is the day I miss my grandmother most, we always were sure to talk on our day. I miss my dad also, although I was missing his conversation before the night he actually left. After watching his frustration for two years, and his communication abilities steadily decline, I think I'd much rather be gone quickly like she was rather than deal with the after effects of the strokes he had. As bad as a real prison would be, I almost would say his virtual one was worse. I was glad I was there to say goodbye, even if he couldn't respond, and I was glad he was finally free of it.

I seem to be getting more rebellious now than I ever was as a teenager, although I pick and choose very carefully there. I'm really getting to the point where I want to just be me, and care much less about trying to be who others think I should be. Part of it has been learning the lesson that I can't always ignore my own needs while trying to help others, and learning to say no to requests when I should. Part of it has been learning that I can't ignore things I thought I could, which circles back to wishing I'd known some things much earlier in life. It's been fun to let things go and experiment with things I never did before.

Although I haven't been able to travel anywhere near as much as I wanted to or expected I'd be able to, books and movies and such have been wonderful. It's fun to see other places, and get glimpses of other lives, and remember that everyone has their own mix of trouble, problems, joys, loves, and life. There are stories that my current self enjoys, there are stories my young self loves, and there are stories my older self wonders if I will get to experience. Some of them are about things I have done or felt, others are about things I expected to experience and haven't, and some are things I want to see and feel and hope I can someday.

Life is many things, and life is hope above all. The endless variety is fascinating, and new discoveries are also, both personal and of knowledge in general. There are always unknowns, and what ifs, and change, and somehow reality and life move on.

My wish for the world for the coming year is that the issues with inequality and willful ignorance of reality tearing the world apart get addressed. For myself, I could use a regeneration. Let's see what actually happens.